DEALING WITH DIFFICULT TEAM MEMBERS
CONFRONTATION: When managing your expectation and theirs you might think; why should I confront difficult players during the game? Player’s who, say push your emotions to the limit by complaining during the game, and making every team member miserable and frustrated with every opportunity they can. In many cases the mental reactions from leaders or players do utter to themselves; “I should put my foot down once and for all”, or “I must get these feelings out of my mind”, or “I’m going to tell this colourful agitator what to do with this unwelcome whinging and whining”, not to exclude there may be others with less pleasing reasons. But let us establish a reality check; the real reason to communicate with difficult players, especially in debriefings, is to improve your performance and theirs, not to mention the performance of other team members. As to whether you like those people or they like you, whether you become bosom friends or maintain a respectful distance is absolutely inconsequential.
STRATEGIES: Feel assured you will need different strategies for communicating with different players. The angry player must be calmed and controlled while the lethargic players must be energized. With these thoughts in mind read the following imperatives and apply them no matter who is causing the trouble.
BE OBJECTIVE: Objective language can be your best friend when confronting with difficult bowlers, and it is often the only way to get the response you want. So what is objective language? Say a player is disruptive. That’s your subjective opinion. Will the player agree? Doubtful! But if you present objective facts and rely on what you saw and heard, then the true situation becomes clear and undeniable. Does your player talk too much at briefings, debriefings or training sessions? Talk to you within the club on a dragged out session on what should have been done that interrupts your after game rest and recuperation. With these facts at hand, now you and your player can identify the problem exactly. Now let us look at the difference between subjective and objective language that may judge and correct them by their actions;
Subjective: The antagonist’s anti tactical deployment conversations with the opposition are irritating to team members who want to get on with their own game.
Objective: Silence is golden, stick to the game plan if it’s working, if not, the skip should change it. Tactics should be an open discussion during game debriefing.
Subjective: They interrupt the thoughts of team members; by their chit-chat game post-mortems to the skip after each tactical incident, or they express their views whether it was in accordance with the game plan or not.
Objective: The skip makes the tactical decision. Post-mortems are points for discussion at debriefings and training.
Subjective: They are annoying during briefings, debriefings and training sessions.
Objective: During these sessions skips and coaches require to control these areas by requesting that team members only talk when the facilitator calls on them.
Subjective: Their constant interruptions of attempting to coach players during the game show that they don’t respect the ability of other bowlers, the coach or team members.
Objective: This is a complete breach of coaching and bowls etiquette, and the individual should be stopped immediately.
Subjective: They fail to hear the ins and outs of the game plan!
Objective: When they attend briefings, they should all be told to listen to what is being said about the game plan and they’ll not need to interrupt so often.
The Solution: Even better, once the troublesome player is checked and understands the problem objectively, he or she can find the solution.
Calling other bowlers names? Well, insist firmly but politely they keep their mouth closed!
COMMUNICATING WITH DIFFICULT TEAM MEMBERS
ATTITUDE: Communicating with team members can at times be strange. They’re not exactly close friends because of the ever observing and judging the skills of your contribution to the team effort. Even though you do chat friendly in the club and know for example; about their retirement, employment, family and unfortunate problems etc. they’re not business partners, subordinates, or managers. And certainly, if you do regard them as friends, as much as you desire it, you can’t tell them where to put their attitude on a bad play day. Now there are also members who do not realise they are presenting a bad attitude because of their unchecked antics or warped sense of humour. It would be amiss of me not to include the “gonna and mirror team member” who, when situations arise is “gonna” do this and that but never does anything, or they’ll look into that, but never see anything other than their own reflection in the mirror. So communicating with anyone mentioned above without embarrassment to others is bound to be interesting, challenging and problematic.
COMMUNICATE: Naturally you’d think somewhere along the track someone in basic lawn bowls coaching, or in advanced coaching, would have tipped you off about how to communicate with difficult team members. But no, you’re been thrust into a team environment or someone has been selected into your team who drives your emotions into frustration, and there seems to be no right way to tell them to stop without outright confrontation. “Hark, the angels sing”, use strategy!
USE OF STRATEGY: Communication is never just what you say, write or project with body language. It contains layers and layers of innuendos, so you need to strategize. Sure the words that rush to your mouth may be to tell your team member what trouble makers they are – but don’t do it! Decide what you want professionally for the team and organize the time and place to do it e.g. “debriefings”. Then strategize how to say it right, and what should drive that decision? The response will ultimately help you and the team work together.
NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY? You did the right thing by reading to this part of the précis. You’ll find lots of perfect phases for just about every brand of difficult team member from gossips to chronic arguers, and some quick tips that will also help.
CREATE A SYNERGY: Your objective with unfriendly team members isn’t to become bosom buddies, although that’s always nice. Instead, you need to create a synergy in the briefing, debriefing and training sessions so that you can work together as professionals. Should you think your team members don’t like you for personal reasons, the way you laugh, your hairstyle, or is it that you’re outgoing and they’re not. Steer clear of that emotional path, “be courteous, sensible and move on”! But if you think you’ve offended your team members for some reason, you’ll find out why in debriefings. Remember, make the discussion as objective as possible by employing the following synergy in statements and keeping it professional as follows;
Statements to avoid;
You’re really being rude to me.
I really hate how you’re treating me.
I used to think you were okay, but now I just think you’re nasty.
Do you dislike me for some reason? If so, you should tell me what it is.
Do you have a problem with me?
Keep it professional: It could be that they want control of the team. Granted, that stinks, but it isn’t about you personally. That means your response isn’t to say you find them contemptible – a personal and unwise choice – but! Your choice of action should be the conduct of briefings, debriefings and training for the following reasons;
- Briefings: Keeps them informed. This covers your game plan in reference to your tactical play and subsequent changes that may have to be made throughout the game. If required, transport to and from the event. Briefings should be conducted when the team is first constructed and prior to the game.
- Debriefings: Detects the strong and weak point of the game. This covers what occurred during and what didn’t eventuate in the game, what was good, bad and outright ugly and what is to be corrected in training. Debriefings should be conducted as soon as possible after game or within 48 hours after the event. Because if you have won, the elated minds sees no mistakes and losers blame everything they put their mind too, and even what didn’t happen!
- Training: This covers further required training in your playing skills, such as mental toughness and tactical performance. Most of this will come from the debriefings. Training should be conducted by the coach before and after events to iron out errors within skills, techniques, and strategies specific to the individual or the team performance to win.
WHEN THAT NEGATIVE, ANGRY, OR DIFFICULT MEMBER IS YOU
SELF-TALK: Overwhelmed with negative thoughts? When things during play get stressful or unpredictable, or otherwise tough, who isn’t negative angry or difficult? Being negative can hurt your productivity and demoralise every one around you. Always remember “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”! While you can’t practice mind control, you can apply the principles of self-talk. Every time you hear that negative voice in your head, talk back to it. After a while, you’ll change your own thinking and even come to solutions much faster. Here are a few examples;
Negative thought: When the team members fail to perform, I get sick of trying to play catch up bowls.
Positive self-talk: I have a lot of experience in keeping up. That’s why I’m so good at it.
Negative thought: Why must our selection priority list change so much? What have I got to do to keep up?
Positive self-talk: Since the selection priority list is flexible, I should divide the tasks into sections so that if I get distracted, I’ll know where to pick up later.
CATASTROPHIC THINKING
What ever team position you play, or how you are involved with teams, watch for these other telltale signs of negative thoughts;
Negative thought: We’ll never win with this team. It’s doomed to fail, what do they expect me to do?
Positive self-talk: We need to find ways to win this game. The club is depending on our ingenuity to win.
Negative thought: This team performance is so bad that I’ll probably be demoted by the time the bowling season is up
Positive self-talk: Things are challenging, but I know we’ll find ways to keep up.
Negative thought: So many players have left that we’ll never be able to replace them. Then what?
Positive self-talk: What are some ways we can attract new bowlers?
WHAT-IF THINKING
Negative thought: What if we don’t get approval to enter this event?
Positive self-talk: We should think of ways to approach this application so we can get club approval and support.
Negative thought: What if we don’t have enough time to train for this event.
Positive self-talk: We need to manage our time with the coach so that we can be prepared to the maximum team effect.
I-CAN’T- TAKE IT THINKING
Negative thought: I can’t take playing in this position with my experience, skills and knowledge isn’t enough for this playing position.
Positive self-talk: The selectors are trialling my experience and ability to play in this position and what I don’t know I’ll surely learn from the coach and the process of the games.
Negative thought: I just can’t play at this grade level; I’m overwhelmed amongst better players.
Positive self-talk: Sure, I’ve had this much pressure before in outer club events, and got through it ok and I accept the selector’s judgement.
Negative thought: I can’t take being selected in a lower grade of play. I’ll go to another club.
Positive self-talk: I’ve been selected to play in a lower grade because my playing skill will strengthen and help this lower grade side to win the competition.
